Klaptrap - the final chapter
Exclusive - read Strachan Jamlabel's detailed and insightful diary as he closes the business he so brilliantly built - CLICK FOR FULL STORY
Klaptrap saves Scotland
Strachan Jamlabel today announced that he was personally responsible for saving thousands of jobs in the Scottish software industry. CLICK FOR FULL STORY
Klaptrap nominated for Top 100 bullshitters awards
Klaptrap has been nominated for the prestigious Bullshitters Award. The annual Awards are given to companies who talk Krap consistently for a period of three years or more. Klaptrap have been nominated because of our dedication to big words that we don't understand and our relentless pursuit of a marketplace that knows that we don't have a scooby.
Klaptrap joins the Faster on the Way Down elite
The Fast Rewind Award for companies who have achieved unsutainable growth, has been awarded to Klaptrap. Strachan Jamlabel, Director of Silly Titles said "this is a great honour for the company and recognises the key role that Klaptrap have paid in raising our employees expectations to ridiculous levels. Did you know that at one time we were telling them that the company was worth one hundred million pounds? And the silly buggers believed us."
Klaptrap releases Asynchronous Relationship Solution for Enterprise
Strachan Jamlabel, in a interview with Auchenshoogle Community Newspaper, released details of ARSE, the Klaptrap K-enabled engine for integrating hot air and newsprint.
"Too many companies are spending money on doing useful things. By communicating through using our ARSE, we have been able to generate many column inches in news media that ought to have known better. Today, every company in Scotland can talk through our ARSE"
Klaptrap in twenty million pound sponsorship deal
Klaptrap today unveiled a sponsorhip deal for Scotland's synchronised swimming team which is expected to make the team Number one in the world.
Speaking exclusively to the Auchenshoogle Community Newspaper, Strachan Jamlabel explained the deal.
"We at Klaptrap have a lot in common with synchronised swimming. For a start, many wonder what is the point of synchronised swimming, and many people ask the same question of Klaptrap. Add lots of ladies wearing not very much, not that it has anything to do with Klaptrap, we just like looking at ladies not wearing very much." Continued on page 347.....
Graeme Gordon wins prestigious award
The Wannabees today announced that Graeme Gordon had picked up the major award for the year 2002. The award goes to the business person in Scotland who has the least chance of joining Scotland's business elite. The Wannabees chairman said "it was the badges that clinched it. They are just so enormously naff that we couldn't ignore Big G's credentials any longer".
Klaptrap family day out
The annual "Have Organised Fun or else", family day out for Klaptrap employees and their families was a great success. The directors were joined by the Chief Sycophancy Officer and his wife for a day out at the Scottish Synchronised Swimming trials followed by a slap up meal at Burger King and an overnight stay at Harthill Service Station Travel Lodge.
Strachan wins Klaptrap Golf Trophy
Pressure of work meant that only Strachan and the Chief Sycophancy Officer could compete this year. Strachan has won the trophy since he conceived the idea in 1996.
"This is a great honour for me and demonstrates how wonderful I am" commented a delighted Jamlabel".
Klaptrap appoint new Chairman
"The old one got boring and we got too big and clever for him", commented Big G as he announced that Anthony Farquar-Thomkinson was to be the new Chairman.
"Anthony has contacts at the highest levels of the Masons, and we expect that to work positively in our favour. He is highly respected and looks simply ravishing with his trouser leg rolled up", continued Page 765 ......