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| Hi, I'm Gorgeous and I'm in control |
| Can you see my white teeth? |
I'm really rather good looking and handsome. I have wonderful white teeth which I use to smile at people who aren't as clever and ruthless as me.
I'm fit, tanned and fantastic. When I put my chinos and the company polo shirt on (designed by creative me, it's white with the company logo on the breast), I look every inch the modern, drive-ahead, thrusting business owner.
I am a ruthless man. I look at myself in the mirror every morning and say, "Big G, whose ego are you going to fuck over today?"
I am Klaptrap. I am in control. Nothing happens in Klaptrap without me knowing about it. And if I don't know about it, then it hasn't happened.
I am on top of everything. I know where all my people are and what they are doing. I would put video cameras in the ladies toilets if I could. In order to ensure that they were recording all toilet breaks correctly on their timesheets.
Without control there is no order. Without order there is no control. I am in control. I'm in the office first and out last. I know how many pencils are on every desk and who used the last tea bag.
Of course I have co-owners of the company as colleagues, but they are not in control and they are not as good looking as me either.
I am a thoroughly modern manager. My staff know this. They know that the road to achievement in my company is through agreement and collaboration. Staff who agree with everything I say and do what they are told, are quick to rise to the top.
And don't worry about meeting me and not knowing who I am. I always wear a badge with my name on it. I'm a great believer in badges. After control, badges are the next most important thing in business.
If you want an incisive, brisk one-way conversation about control, contact me big_g@klaptrap.com.
It's been your pleasure.