A recent survey of 14,000 teenagers in Scotland, England and Wales, carried out by the Joseph Rowntree Foundation (aren't they the people that make Fruit Gums?) has confirmed what most people over the age of 25 already knew. Namely, that the youth of today are a bunch of insolent, disrespectful and lawless thugs who deserve nothing less than the return of the birch and National Service to teach the wee bastards a lesson.

The survey found that almost half (48.5%) of secondary school children aged 11-17 have broken the law, while for a significant number, violence, weapon-carrying and fights are an "acknowledged part of life", as are regular binge-drinking and drug-taking.

Amongst the damning statistics thrown up by the survey were;

One in five boys aged 15 to 16 admitted attacking someone with the intention of seriously hurting them, and one in four of this age group admitted carrying a knife or other weapon.

A quarter of 14 and 15 year olds had shoplifted in the past year and three out of ten had committed an act of vandalism.

One in ten boys across the survey had committed a burglary.

Four out of ten young people claimed that it was "alright to beat people up".

In response to the above, 100% of adults surveyed by FirstFoot agreed that "thrashing the malevolent little shites within an inch of their lives" was not an unreasonable solution to the problem, particularly for first offenders.