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Three members of Fourth Lanark’s
first team squad are under investigation today after serious
allegations of gross decency were made against them by three
women who were staying in the same Spanish resort hotel.
The allegations arose after the players,
who were enjoying a mid-season training break at the exclusive
La Manquie Golf and Debauchery Club in eastern Spain, were
approached by the women whilst in the Hotel’s bar.
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| Three women, not the three women
who offered sex to footballers. Just three women
who are of the same sex as the three women who offered
sex to footballers. |
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An eye witness, who preferred not to
be named, takes up the story;
“I was in the bar at around 11.30pm
enjoying some crap complimentary tapas and a jug of over-priced
Sangria. The three footballers were talking quietly and drinking
bottled mineral water like there was no tomorrow. They were
clearly sober. I remember thinking how unusual that was. The
three women approached the players and offered to take them
up to their room for sex. All three players refused, claiming
that they were happily married men and weren’t interested.
That was when it all kicked off. You could tell that the women
were really upset.”
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| The footballers' drink |
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One of the women later confided in our
reporter that “It was such a shame. They had really tight
bums and everything.”
The Bar Manager of the hotel confirmed
that the players had been “drinking water heavily”
throughout the evening. “You could tell they were footballers”
he said. “They were buying bottles of Dasani. Nobody
else but footballers would be stupid enough to pay 5 Euros
a go for filtered tap water.”
A night porter from the hotel also stated
that he went up to two of the accused players’ rooms
“just before midnight” after they had requested
a mug of cocoa. “It was obvious that something wasn’t
quite right” he said. “One of them had a Jackie
Collins book by their bedside, which struck me as odd, as
everybody knows that footballers can’t read.”
It is further alleged that the same
three players were seen earlier in the day refusing to buy
some cocaine which had been offered to them
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| P. R. Lunatico says "Phwooaaarr.........." |
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Fourth Lanark Manager P.R.Lunatico was
today said to be “disgusted and shocked” by his
players’ behaviour.
“I am disgusted and shocked”
he said. “These are professional footballers with a reputation
to uphold, and this is certainly not the standard of behaviour
expected of them. I don’t know what they were thinking
of.”
Club Chairman Archie Bauld has confirmed
that the club will be carrying out its own internal investigation
into the scandal.
In a statement released from his private
Penthouse Suite at the La Manquie Club, he said, “If
these allegations prove to be true, the individuals involved
will be severely disciplined. This club, and indeed our entire
profession, has a proud reputation of heavy drinking and sexual
aberration to maintain and we will simply not tolerate behaviour
such as this.”
Team captain Luigi Bampotti, who is
not implicated in the affair, refused to be drawn into the
row and commented only that he “couldn’t recall”
what had actually taken place with his three team-mates. “Don’t
drag me into this. I was far too drunk to remember anything”
he said, adding“but I’m pretty sure I was upstairs
shagging some Spanish Housemaid with a few of the lads at
the time of the incident.”
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