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| Archie Bauld - Chairman of Fourth
Lanark |
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Fourth Lanark
Chairman, Archie Bauld, has leapt to the defence of his counterpart
at Dundee F.C., Peter Marr, in a controversial statement that seems
sure to anger Scottish Tourism bosses and the Scottish Executive
and re-ignite the debate about safety on Scotland's streets.
Following a violent
attack in Dundee on one of his players, Mr.Marr had attempted to
play the whole affair down in the media by stating that such mugging
incidents and "petty" crimes were "an everyday occurrence
in this city", much to the anger of the aforementioned tourist
chiefs, who insisted that he publicly retract his comment and apologise
to the good law-abiding Dundonians whose reputation he had maligned.
He did no such
thing. Subsequently, almost as if to underline his point, the same
unfortunate player, still shaken up by his ordeal, had the lock
of his car super-glued and then, no sooner than the car had been
returned from the garage with its new lock, it was stolen from right
outside his front door. Now, the poor wee Argentine says he's scared
to leave his house.
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| Peter Marr - nae apology to the players
or the people of Dundee for his outrageous slur (not) |
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Commenting as
an after-dinner speaker at the Auchenshoogle Branch Fourth Lanark
Supporters Club Annual Dinner Dance, Mr Bauld said that "Mr
Marr is spot on with his remarks about Dundee and doesn't deserve
the criticism he's received. I've been there twice and had a damned
good thrashing both times, and fully deserved too. But these things
have to be put into context, and what you have to remember is that
Dundee is lucky. In fact these Dundee players just don't know how
lucky they are. What I wouldn't give to live in a place where a
good old-fashioned mugging or simple head-kicking once in a while
was the norm. Oh yes. That would be sheer luxury.
Bauld droned
on in the same vein "Where I live, you're lucky if you can
walk back from the pub on a Tuesday night without some nutter jumping
out from behind a torched vehicle, attaching electrodes to your
testicles and gouging your eyes out with a teaspoon just to get
your mobile phone. But hey, it's home, right? We just have to accept
it and get on with our lives."
Bauld's fellow
speaker at the event, local MSP Renfrew Macludge, also backed the
view that Scots live in a dangerous society by stating that even
as a small child walking to school, he regularly had his head nailed
to a telegraph pole and his milk-teeth
extracted with a chisel by the "big bully lollipop man that
wiz meant tae just help us cross the road."
If such events
are indeed as commonplace as these comments suggest, it's high time
that the Scottish Executive stopped pretending the problem doesn't
exist and did something about it.
Former
Celtic player Alan McInally, a living legend in his own mind, who
is widely recognised as one of Scotland's leading experts in violent
conduct and thuggery, was fortunately unavailable for comment, because
like all of his comments it would undoubtedly have contained some
utterly vacuous reference to "when I was at Bayern Munich".
Like
anybody actually cares.
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