Tommy Docherty

(Manager of Manchester United and too many other clubs to mention)

"Players today are a pack of overpaid, pampered, snot nose little ponces. Bring back National Service for the lot of the bastards, I say."

"I see Collymore whinging about stress, and Peter Schmeical sunning himself in the Caribbean when he should be playing for his club, and I feel sick. Did these sort of attitudes help us win 2 world wars? My grasp of History is shaky to say the least, but I don't recall there being a winter break at the Battle of the Somme."

"Preston? They're one of my old clubs. But then most of them are. I've had more clubs than Jack Nicklaus."

"Cricket is the only game where you can actually put on weight while playing"

"My chairman at Aston Villa, Doug Ellis, said he was right behind me, so I told him I'd rather have him in front of me where I could see him"

"Football management these days is like nuclear war. No winners, just survivors."

(on Mark Wright) : "He'd get an injury if he went on Question of Sport."

"The ideal Board of Directors should be made up of 3 men. 2 dead and the other dying."

(During an after dinner speech) "I'm sorry George Best couldn't be here tonight. He was launching a ship in Belfast, and he wouldn't let go of the bottle."

"Ron Atkinson couldn't make it. His hairdresser died ...in 1946."

"On my first day as Scotland manager I had to call off practice after half an hour, because nobody could get the ball off wee Jimmy Johnstone."