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PEOPLE WE WISH HAD BEEN SCOTTISH
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THE AA
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| No,
not the motoring organisation. We refer instead to the
"Actor Alcoholics", any one of whom could
easily have drunk for Scotland. Oliver Reed, Peter O'Toole,
Richard Harris, Tony Curtis and a galaxy of others. |
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GEORGE BEST
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Perhaps the most naturally
gifted footballer the British Isles has ever produced,
it is a tragedy that Georgie Best's sublimetalents
never graced the stage of a World Cup Finals.
Had he been Scottish, rather
than the lone star of a distinctly under-achieving
Northern Ireland national team, FirstFoot has little
doubt that Scotland would have both qualified for
and won the World Cup in 1966, as well as retaining
it in 1970 and 1974.
Drink was George's downfall,
which at least qualifies him to be an Honorary Scotsman.
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GEOFF HURST
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Had Geoff Hurst been Scottish,
he would not have scored the 3 goals for England which
won them the 1966 World Cup Final against West Germany.
Ergo England would have lost,
and successive generations of Scots would not have
had to suffer the ignomony of having that victory
rubbed in our faces by English football commentators
at every available opportunity.
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THE RUSSIAN LINESMAN
(Tofik Bakhramov)
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Nobody but his mother would
recognise his name now, but the "Russian Linesman"
at the World Cup Final of 1966 has a special place
in Scottish history as one of the greatest villains
ever.
Had he been even one-sixteenth
Scottish on his Great-Grandmother's side, he would
never have allowed "the goal that never was"
which put England on their way to extra-time victory.
The man was obviously blind. Or bribed.
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JOHN LENNON
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| John
used to spend his boyhood holidays in Scotland. FirstFoot
wishes he had been Scottish for no other reason than
that he was a cool geezer and undoubtedly the fabbest
of the fab four. |
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GHANDI
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What a guy. As a Scot he'd have been perfect. For,
not only did he take his country to Independence,
he also drank his own piss.
He would certainly, therefore, have had little trouble
keeping down a Scottish diet of Irn Bru and white
puddings.
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MARADONNA
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| Uniquely
qualified to be Scottish. Beat the English in 1986 in
the best possible way - by cheating, and then, like
a good Scot, pissed away his fame and fortune on drink,
drugs and loose women. Great player though. With him
in our team, Scotland would definitely have won the
World Cup in 1982,1986 and 1990. |
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LOUIS ARMSTRONG
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the first Jazz musician to land on the moon, Louis would
have been a welcome addition to the long list of Scots
trailblazers. |
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All suggestions to add
to this list are warmly welcomed:
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