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  A funny thing happened

 

 

A funny thing happened on the way to the game

I take my tartan bunnet off to Kenny MacAskill, the MSP who was arrested under suspicion of being "drunk and disorderly" outside Wembley, and behaving in a "boisterous" manner. What is this man guilty of, other than behaving like a typical Scotland supporter?

Would I be smiling like this if I was a drunken football hooligan?

No charges were brought so one can assume that his "disorderliness" was causing no real harm to anyone. Far from being villified as a disgrace to Scotland and the Tartan Army, Kenny MacAskill should be applauded for getting stuck in there as one of the lads and showing his passion for his country.

Had he been lording it with the champagne quaffing fatcats who are taking over our game, would he have been arrested? Exactly. To my mind, the man's a martyr.

Because it raises the worrying question of what, exactly, constitutes "disorderly" or "incapable" behaviour in the eyes of the law, particularly in the context of The Tartan Army. Let's be honest here. There isn't a single one of us over the age of 16 who hasn't been to a game maybe just a wee bit on the wrong side of tipsy. It's part of the culture. The TA runs on alcohol. Always has, always will. It just fuels the party. Nobody gets hurt. (Remember Bordeaux? What a party that was.)

"Boisterous and OTT" as Mr MacAskill's behaviour was described, is exactly what we are. We are all guilty as charged and proud of it. Yet the law states quite clearly that it is an offence to enter a football stadium whilst under the influence of alcohol. So if the same rules apply, then we should all be arrested. Mr MacAskill's unfortunate "misunderstanding", as he put it, is not an isolated incident, so perhaps that is indeed the plan.

The same thing happened to a friend of mine, another TA regular, as he was on his way in to the Hampden game. Granted, he'd had a few, but not that many. The trouble was, the poor lad had been up working all night just to clear his workload so he could get to the game. He was out on his feet through sheer fatigue.

But.... Was he misbehaving or acting in a threatening manner? No. Was he being loud or abusive? No. Was he doing anything other than quietly making his way in to the ground? No. Was he a bit "unsteady on his feet"? Apparently so, according to the officers who dragged him aside and arrested him for it. Incapable, they said. But, and here's the rub, incapable of what? Incapable of staying awake for the duration of the match? Quite possibly.

For this heinous offence he missed the game he'd worked all night to get to and spent 9 hours in a cell. Pissed off? Big style. But, looking on the bright side, at least he got the chance to catch up on a few hours of much needed kip!

So remember, before you join the holier than thou brigade who are slagging Kenny MacAskill off with cries of "shame!" and "disgrace!", just think, it might just as easily be you next time. And maybe it's time that the law took a long hard look at the vague and somewhat arbitrary interpretation of "incapable" and "disorderly" that our police are permitted to apply before we lock up any more over-exuberant MSP's or ordinary, hardworking and harmless foot soldiers just like you and me.

I leave you with the actual words of a Metropolitan Police source on the arrest of Mr MacAskill. "What the arresting officer saw (outside Wembley, half an hour before a Scotland-England game) was a boisterous man, dressed in tartan, who seemed to be drunk."

I rest my case.