Paw Broon - It's all doon the hill fae here

Och shite. Ye’ll huv tae forgive me if I’m no ma usual chirpy self this month. Ah’m a wee bit depressed on account o’ bein’ turfed oot o’ ma job at Preston East Side or whitever they were called. Ah still cannae believe it – me, the legendary Paw Broon, fired frae a poxy wee second-rate fitba club like that. The ungrateful English basturds. They didnae appreciate how lucky they were tae huv me.

When ah took over as manager, they were a struggling bunch o’ no hopers in the lower half o’ whit used tae be known as the English second division. Noo, thanks tae ma astute leadership, they huvnae got any worse and are still a struggling bunch o’ no hopers in the lower half o’ the English second division. That’s success in ma book.

Where dae ah go frae here? Well, it’s no all doom n’ gloom admittedly. BBC Scotland rang me up just after ah wis fired and says “Paw, noo that ye’ve got fuck all tae dae oan a Saturday afternoon, how dae ye fancy comin in tae the studios tae be a pundit on the fitba results programme?”

It wis a marginally better prospect than goin’ doon tae Safeways wi Maw Broon and it’s money fer old rope, so I accepted the offer gladly. Mind, yon Donnie Dougelly whit hosts the show is a bit o’ a knob-end. They advertisements he does fer Sterling Furniture are pure shite, are they no? Ah telt him so tae his face an all.

And, of course, ah still huv ma regular column wi’ FirstFoot tae keep me occupied.

After the last mis-match against Hungary, it looked odds on that Berti wis aboot tae join me on the dole queue. One more gubbin and he wid surely be getting his jotters frae the SFA.

But, miraculously, the expected gubbin frae Spain failed tae materialise. Scotland actually played like a Scotland team should, getting right in amongst them and bitin’ thur ankles. It wis almost good tae watch.

The boys started tae tire a bit after an hour or so though and wi’ Spain startin tae gain the upper hand, Berti sent the squad electrician off tae short circuit the stadium floodlights. A good lekkie is essential in modern international fitba these days and the boy done a fine job. He looks sure tae keep his place for the world cup campaign.

That campaign duly kicked off wi’ a home draw against the mighty Slovenia. Could’ve been worse, ah suppose. Two Craig Gordon cock-ups nearly cost us dear and if I wis Berti (which thank fuck ah’m no) ah wid seriously consider recalling Neil Sullivan in goal. The boy Gordon’s a promising young keeper, but even Stevie Wonder can see he’s no ready fer the Scotland team just yet.

So, even at this early stage it looks like the road tae Germany in 2006 is gonnae be a long and rocky one.

Six points frae oor next two games, Norway at home then away tae Moldova, is a must if we’re tae have any chance o’ qualifyin’. Anything less and Berti will surely be joining me in the ranks o’ the unemployed.

Noo, if ye’ll excuse me, ah huv tae go and get maself smartened up fer a job interview. Shelf stacker at Safeways. As career moves go, it might no sound too grand, but at least it’s a step up frae Manager at Preston.