Paw Broon - It's all doon the hill fae here

Just like ah successfully predicted over a month ago, that's us ootay the World Cup and me ootay a job. See that Nostradamus, he's got bluddy nothing on me!

At this stage it's still unclear who the next manager o' Scotland will be, but if the opinion polls are anything to go by, it's a two-horse race between Champion the Wonder Horse and Posh Spice. Certainly, nobody who's involved in Football wants the job.Watch this space.

Ah would just like tae take this opportunity to thank all the players fer their effort and support in the past eight years, except that moody wee shite Duncan Ferguson of course, and tae reflect on the many good times we've had under my astute leadership.

Ah was, withoot doubt, the most successful, most handsome and nicest Manager that Scotland has ivver had, and I believe my record speaks fer itself. Ah've said it before, and I'll keep saying it, it's been a privilege, an absolute privilege and an honour fer Scotland tae have had me in charge.

During my time we never, for example, lost once to San Marino, Estonia or the Faroe Isles.

Ah took the team to two major Championship Finals where, on both occasions we only narrowly failed to make complete eejits of ourselves.

Ah got off with a bird young enough tae be ma grand-daughter.

Ah can hold my head up high.

Ah can also wiggle ma toes and dae that funny thing with ma ears, but that's beside the point.

Ma successor, whoever the poor bastard might be, will undoubtedly face the same problems that I did. Finding 11 half-decent players wi' Scottish grannies is no an easy task, I can assure you, so I wish them all the luck in the world. Not!

Ah will be continuing in my position as Technical Director for the SFA, just as soon as ah find out whit the hell a Technical Director does, and will also be continuing as a regular contributor tae FirstFoot. Hell, right now I'll take anything ah can get.

Applications for the post of Scotland Team Manager are now being invited and should be addressed to Carstairs Mental Institution, Carstairs, Scotland.

Paw Broon.