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International friendly
Scotland 1 4 Sweden
McFadden (pen)      

So.

That’s Tommy Burns’ chances o’ getting the Scotland job well and truly doon the lavvie then.

Berti Vogts phoned me up frae Germany after the match and had this tae say;

“Hahahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!”

Ah think he wis pished.

Might huv been oan Ecstasy. No sure. Ah hung up on him when he started oan the heavy breathing so ah didnae get the chance tae ask.

Anyway, the question noo is who takes up the poisoned chalice Berti left behind?

Here are the frontrunners;

Walter Smith  
Walter Smith

The former Rangers boss is the Bookies favourite. However, at 93 years old, Wattie’s best days are probably behind him now. Did OK as Manager of Rangers 9-in-a-row team but was found seriously wanting when he went to manage a team in a proper league and took Everton from mid-table mediocrity to relegation-battle mediocrity. A bit like me and Preston North End, really, but in a higher division.
Latest Odds, 9/4.
   
Gordon Strachan  
Gordon Strachan A superb tactician wi’ a sense of humour second tae none, the latter quality being one that the wee man wid certainly need in abundance if he took the Scotland job. The fans want him. The media want him. The players want him. So the SFA will nae doubt ignore them all and give the job tae someone else just tae prove who’s in charge.
Latest Odds, 4/1.
   
Kenny Dalglish  
Kenny Dalglish King Kenny for the Scotland job? Ah huv tae admit ah’m no sure. Mebbes aye…and mebbes naw.
Latest Odds, 9/1.
   
Bruce Rioch  
Bruce Rioch Former Scotland captain and a renowned disciplinarian. Whit he gets up tae in his private life is none o’ oor business though and if spanking is his thing then that’s fine by me.
Latest Odds, 25/1.
   
Jimmy Krankie  
Jimmy Krankie Fan-dabi-dozy! Be honest - cannae be any worse than the last fuggin clown whit had the job.
Latest Odds 100/1.
   
Pamela Anderson  
She wid definitely be good fer morale in the squad. Selecting 22 young men tae play with every couple o’ months or so wid be nothin new tae oor Pammie. An outside bet but worth considering because she wid certainly ken how tae handle the pricks at the SFA.
Latest Odds 1000/1.
   
Moses  
Moses Hugely experienced and nearly as old as Walter Smith. Fine CV – Led the Israelites through the desert and across the Red Sea to the Promised Land. Leading Scotland tae the World Cup in Germany wid surely be a scoosh in comparison.
Latest Odds 5000/1
   
Me  
Calm doon, calm doon, only joking.
Latest Odds 1,000,000/1

 
 

S