World Cup Quarter Finals
Brazil	2	1	England

It's awright, it's safe tae come oot noo. The Doomsday scenario's no goannie happen.

But, michty me, it wiz aw getting a wee bit scary fer a while there.

When yon wee midget Owen pit the Engs one up against Brazil, ah wiz oan the phone pronto tae ma Travel Agent.

"Where d'ye want tae go, Mr Broon?" the boy asks us.

"Fuckin anywhere but Preston!" ah says tae him. Ma life wid've been a livin nightmare doon there if they precious tossers hud actually lifted the cup. It jist disnae bear thinkin aboot.

Ah wid rather huv ma baws sooked by a Pirhana than see that happen.

Still, as ah often say tae Maw Broon efter a wee premature ejaculation, "Aw's weel that ends weel."

Mind, afore we aw get carried away wi' the jubilation, there's bad news, too.

It means we still huvnae heard the end ay "1966" fae bloody Motson an the rest ay thum.

Ye cannae bloody win.

But thank fuck, neither can they.