International friendly
Wales	4	0	Scotland

Let’s start wi’ the positives.

Firstly, the Corporate Hosptality at the Millennium Stadium in Cardiff is awfy, awfy guid.

Indeed, yer auld Paw wis still necking free champagne and guzzlin’ caviar covered Ritz crackers when yon wee munchkin Robbie Earnshaw scored the first o’ his three goals inside the first minute.

Secondly, the referee got injured and had tae be replaced. My how we laughed.

Thirdly, ah managed tae chat up yon Welsh singer Charlotte Church at the post-match party and got a braw wee look doon her mair than ample cleavage. She’s no ma favourite piece o’ Welsh rarebit (that honour belonging tae Catherine Zeta Jones) but it fair gave us a wee stirrin’ in ma not inconsiderable loins anyway.

Ah wis thinkin’, it’s funny really….normally ye wid have tae drag me kicking and screaming tae get me inside a Church…...

Fourthly, Max Boyce wisnae there. Whit a fuckin relief THAT wis!

Lastly, it wis an encouraging two goal improvement on oor last away result.

The rest, fae a Scottish perspective, wis all negative.

The Scottish defence hud mair leeks in it than a cauldron o’ Welsh stew.

Here’s one for ye. Whit’s the difference atween a Welsh lamb in an abbatoir and the Scottish defence? Answer - It takes longer than 43 seconds tae cut open a Welsh lamb.

Aye, it’s a bad joke admittedly. But no as much o’ a bad joke as this Scottish performance.

Ah mean fuxxache, this wisnae Brazil or Holland we were up against. This wisnae even the real Wales. This wis a Welsh team wi’ TEN first choice players missin’! A Welsh team that finished the game, taking the complete piss ootay us, wi’ 11 Nationwide League players oan the park! That’s 2nd Division players in old money.

Unacceptable Herr Bert, unacceptable. We had seven English Premiership players oot there and a few others beside them who played in last season’s EUFA Cup Final. So, please, dinnae gie us yer lame “What can I do? I don’t have the players to choose from” excuses. It just disnae wash.

When yours truly wis in charge, the bottom line wis we were always hard tae beat. Boring – perhaps. Uninspiring - mair often than not. But hard tae beat nonetheless.

Good gubbings in ma day were few and far between. And NEVER, EVER tae the likes o’ Wales, a team ranked even lower in the FIFA rankings than this current Scotland outfit.

It wis aw aboot organisation and playing tae a system that suited the limited players at ma disposal. Sure, it might huv been crap tae watch, but at least it wis rarely, if ever, humiliating.

But noo? Ah’m buggered if ah ken whit’s goin’ on, and it’s fairly obvious the team dinnae huv much o’ a clue either.

That’s doon tae the Coach, fair and square.

Coach? That’s a laugh. Berti’s strugglin’ tae qualify as a minibus at this rate.

We’re that much o’ a shambles even Northern Ireland wid fancy their chances against us and they huvnae won since aboot 1893.

So c’moan, Berti. Let’s at least get the basics right, eh? Otherwise, we might as well no bother showin’ up fer the World Cup qualifiers.

One more performance like this one and that’s exactly whit even the loyal Tartan Army will be thinking.

Yer oan yer last warning. The managerial coat is hangin oan a weel shoogly nail tae put it mildly.

Gordon Strachan is only a phone call away.

Mind, on this evidence, even yon TV Presenter Michaela Strachan could probly dae a better job than yersel.