International friendly
Denmark	1	0	Scotland

Och well, ah suppose in view o’ recent results ye would have tae see a 1-0 defeat as something o’ a minor triumph.

The biggest positive tae take frae this game undoubtedly is the continuing emergence of Darren Fletcher as a player of true international stature. He has all the makings of a “bossing” Scottish midfield general in the Souness mould, only withoot the silly moustache.

Some people are calling Fletcher “the new Beckham”, but ah personally think it’s a wee bit unfair on the lad tae be makin they kind o’ comparisons.

Examine the evidence.

Fletcher hasnae shagged a Spice Girl, or been caught playin away frae hame and havin’ text-sex wi’ his posh totty PA.

Fletcher hasnae got a silly hairstyle he changes every two weeks and wid probably get a skelpin frae his Maw in Dalkeith if he even suggested getting a Mohican.

Fletcher doesnae huv an annoyin squeaky wee voice and a face ye’d like tae pummel wi’ a hot fryin pan.

Fletcher wouldnae be seen dead in a sarong.

Or posing topless wi’ erect nipples in a sunglasses advert.

Fletcher isnae a big English nancy whae likes tae wear nail varnish and mascara.

I rest my case.

Overall, though, in spite o’ recent setbacks and calls for Berti’s heid oan a platter, the signs are there for Scotland that maybe, just maybe, there is some glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel, and it isnae the 8.45 train frae Waverley aboot tae run us doon.

With a fully fit Ferguson and this new boy Nigel Quashie frae Portsmouth, whae looks a good prospect as the “enforcer” of the unit (that’s “fitba speak” for “he looks like a right brutal thug”), the Scotland midfield looks tae be in potentially good shape for the future.

“Cheeky” MacFadden continues to impress up front. In defence, Caldwell looks more assured with every game. Even yon Peter Barlow, the bigamist bookie frae Coronation Street is startin’ tae look the part in goal and has improved immeasurably since he quit the programme tae concentrate more fully oan his fitba’ career.

Fuck, for a minute there ah wis almost feeling optimistic aboot oor chances in the World Cup qualifiers.

Silly me.

A man o’ my experience should know better than that.

I don’t know whit came over me.

I apologise unreservedly.

It won’t happen again.