The Scotch Thistle

A “noxious and annoying little Scottish weed” has been declared Public Nuisance No.1 in the heartlands of America.

No, we’re not referring to Jack McConnell who has recently returned from visiting the USA and Canada, although the description is certainly accurate enough to give that impression.

The offending weed in question is none other than the Onopordum Acanthium, better known to most of us as the Scotch Thistle.

This famous symbol of Scottish national pride is now the plague of several farming states of the Mid West, ruining grazing land used by livestock, choking crops and destroying parkland.

The plant, which probably arrived in the US in contaminated grain shipments, has now been classified as one of America’s 18 listed “noxious weeds” and is deemed an “invasive pest” in Arizona, Arkansas, California, Colorado, Connecticut, Idaho, Missouri, Nevada, New Mexico, Oklahoma, Oregon, Utah, Washington and Wyoming.

In Utah alone, the Thistle problem has taken hold in 27 of the state’s 29 counties and around £2.4 million a year is being spent by the Utah Department of Agriculture and Food in attempting to eliminate the plant.

An alternative use would be to insert the prickly bits up the arses of certain politicians until they promise to abide by international law in future.

It would seem, however, that they’re fighting a losing battle. The hardy thistle thrives in even the dryest, most arid of conditions of the US Western states and experts fear that the rise in warm, wet conditions could allow it to take an even stronger hold.

The horrible truth is that, once established, noxious and annoying little Scottish pests, however unpopular and however unwanted, are notoriously difficult to dislodge.

Tony Blair and Gordon Brown are living proof of that.