Shagga announces major outsourcing initiative

Scotland's First Minister, Shagga Jack, dramatically announced that the Scottish Parliament had trailblazed a path for Scottish industry and commerce to follow.

“Many world class businesses outsource major elements of their operations so that they can concentrate on what they see as their core competencies” Shagga said at a press conference announcing the initiative.

“As part of the drive to make the Scottish Parliament a world class government, I am pleased to announce this major outsourcing deal. Further to a strategic review designed to identify the core competencies of Parliament, our consultants have recommend that we concentrate all of our efforts on talking, visiting hospitals and holding press conferences”.

“It is therefore with much pleasure that I can announce that as from today, we have outsourced all decision making to English Parliaments PLC”.

“By concentrating on our core competencies, we have estimated that we can reduce the amount of time Parliament sits by up to 80%. We can also reduce the amount of paper we produce by 90% and the amount of time that we have to spend talking to the media by 75%”.

“Over a 10 year period, after salary increases have been taken into account, we expect to reduce our expenditure by £18.46. We will of course return this money to the Scottish taxpayer”.

Shagga also announced that the outsourcing deal would mean that MSP's would have their holidays increased to 47 weeks of the year, and that a special vacation hardship allowance for MSP's would be announced in due course.