Waiting for that trip home when they can get off the plane at Edinburgh or Glasgow and hit the airport All Day Breakfast bar.

Tattie Scones - 1% pure heroin

Potato Scones contain 1% pure unadulterated Heroin. They must do. There is no other explanation for the effect that medium term withdrawal has on the Scot.

A Tattie Scone is a tasty mixture of potatoes, salt and flour made into a flat triangular scone. The scone is shallow fried in hot oil. The scone absorbs the cooking oil, it gets a wee bit hard and brown at the edges. The brown patches on the surface of the scone harden slightly and when eaten contrast with the soggier white patches.

Sounds shite, but tastes pure dead brilliant.

Look carefully at the packaging - round "Potato Cakes"

Look carefully at the packaging - round "Potato Scones"

It has come to FirstFoot's attention that fake Tattie Scones are being sold in Scotland by the big English Supermarkets.

It looks like they make something called a Potato Cake, put a new wrapper on it for the Scottish market and call it a Potato Scone.

This has got to stop. We need to get the Scottish Parliament, or the European Parliament, to define Potato Scones as thin, flat triangular scones.

Not round, fat fuckers that taste shite and don't have any crispy edges.

This has got to stop.

It's food imperialism.

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