In a radical departure the Scottish Police, otherwise and henceforth referred to as "The Polis", have decided to relaunch themselves in order to win back public trust.

Following an extensive review carried out by Anderson Consulting at a cost of £320 million (unaudited), The Polis have decided not to take the opportunity of abolishing time honoured customs.

Practices such as as beating up drunks on a Saturday night and stopping cars occupied by "schemies" just for the hell of it, will continue. Instead, guided by Anderson Consulting, they have decided to have a new uniform (designed by Anderson Consulting at a cost of £600 ... unaudited).

FirstFoot has obtained a preview of the exclusive designs, one of which will be chosen from a panel of experts from Anderson Consulting.

This is your chance to vote on this most important issue:

The Polis choice of uniform - as long as it has a sock doon the front of the skiddies	The Scottish Arts Council's choice - "the design reflects the cultural diversity and heterogeneous diaspora" - and more guff like that
The perverts choice	The Scots Tories Choice - combining the traditional , the anal and the fetishist
The choice of the people of Easterhouse - well, the sanitised version of it anyhow