Oh dear oh dear oh dear. The dangers and drawbacks of having a foreigner in charge of your tourism industry.

The new head of Scottish Tourism speaks out

Scottish tourism chief Ivan Broussaine has said (and unfortunately someone was listening) that a select troop of the Tartan Army (Scotland's famous football supporters, for the uninitiated) should be sent to Japan to support England in the World Cup, as a gesture of neighbourly goodwill and a demonstration to the whole world of what jolly nice people we are. Great PR and "tres bon" for Scotland's image abroad.

Mr Broussaine has further stated that to sponsor such an undertaking from public funds would only cost around £10,000 and would be money well spent.

His understanding of maths and simple economics, it would seem, is about as good as his appreciation of Scottish/English football rivalry, as we reckon that for a trip of this nature ten grand would just about stretch to an army of four, if you're lucky.

Disregarding that, the gesture would, he reckons, impress FIFA and UEFA so much that it would go a long way towards ensuring that Scotland is chosen as the venue for the 2008 European Championship Finals.

We fail to see, however, that the sight of four beaten-up and bloodied Jocks lying unconscious outside a sushi bar with broken heads and St.George's crosses rammed up their arses will do anything to enhance our national image or our reputation as footballing ambassadors for our country.

FirstFoot would like to suggest that Ivan the terrible idea's £10,000 might just as well be spent, and to equal effect, on any of the following alternative proposals;

1)	We could send a delegation of nuns to take part in the next Londonderry Orange March, to promote religious tolerance.
2)	We could pay for a thousand chickens to spend the night on a mink farm, to promote animal unity.
3)	We could sponsor someone to call Mike Tyson a rampant homosexual to his face, to promote Scottish bravery.
4)	We could simply take a few Scotland supporters and pay someone to smack them about a bit, without having to go all the way to Japan, to promote inward investment.
5)	We could put the £10,000 towards the salary of a decent new tourism chief who; a) understands the Scots and b) doesn't talk out of his derriere to promote Scotland abroad.

 

 

 

 

 

Or