The leading contender for the FirstFoot
"not really the best excuse in the world" award this year goes
to the Edinburgh man charged with assault and robbery from a
wine shop in the city's genteel suburb of Morningside.
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You
vill give me ze money and ze bottle off ze Buckfast
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Police Officers at West End Police
Station were understandably taken aback when the 58 year old man,
who had turned himself in, confessed to them that he had only
carried out the crime "under the orders of Adolf Hitler."
In the process of perpetrating the
theft of £56 from the shop's till, he had threatened the
shop assistant (strictly following the Fuehrer's instructions,
of course) by holding a glass jar above her head and exclaiming
"I am extremely violent."
Although quite obviously several plates
short of a full dinner-service, the man was declared sane and
fit to stand trial, in spite of the fact that he was already an
in-patient at the nearly Royal Edinburgh Psychiatric Hospital,
where he was being treated for schizophrenia.
The chap has since been returned to
the Hospital where, FirstFoot can exclusively reveal, he is currently
planning an invasion of Poland.
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