There's already so much crap going into beer - why not add a little government sponsored extra?

In one of their little flights of fancy, the Scottish Executive has unveiled plans to bring in legislation that will make it compulsory for brewers to include vitamins, or Vitamin B specifically, in the beer they produce.

The idea comes as a reaction to the startling and hugely surprising news that Scots generally drink too much and don't get enough vitamins. Ergo, bung them in the beer and suddenly we'll be the healthiest people in Europe.

In tandem with this, they are also considering the obligatory placement of Health Warnings behind bars alerting younger people in particular to the potential dangers of alcohol. "Warning. Drinking 12 pints can seriously impair your ability to walk, speak or get your willy up."

What a lot of bloody nonsense. The only things that need to be placed behind bars are the overpaid eejits that think up this kind of criminal bullshit.

Here are a few more suggestions that the Executive might wish to consider implementing for the long-term health and well-being of the Scots;

	Scotland's Distillers should be forced to lace the Whisky they produce with aspirin, thereby stopping the hangovers before they start. This simple measure would drastically reduce absenteeism from the workplace and could save the Scottish economy billions.
	Pre-school and Primary School children should have their free milk laced with whisky so they can build up a natural resistance to it before it damages them in adult life.
	Scotland should insist that all heroin and cocaine brought into the country comes only from plants that have been grown organically, with heavy fines or even Community Service for traffickers who ignore the directive and continue to flog the crap stuff that's been cultivated with nasty pesticides.
	Introduce legislation banning the use or supply of deep-fried Mars bars, Irn-Bru and white pudding suppers (with or without brown sauce).
	Cigarette Papers should carry a printed notice saying "Not to be used for rolling spliffs".
	Cigarettes and rolling tobacco should carry a printed notice saying "Not to be used for rolling spliffs."
	Cannabis should carry a printed notice saying "Not to be used for rolling spliffs."
	MSP's and members of Health steering committees should have their tea and coffee laced with LSD, so they talk more sense.