FirstFoot was disappointed by the level of debate during the recent row about the various flags which must be flown over public buildings in Scotland depending on particular events in the life of our wonderful royal family.

FirstFoot wishes to elevate the debate with some new and innovative flag deployment ideas:

Flag to be flown when a corgi dies

Flag to be flown when Philip blows his enormous royal nose

Flag to be flown when Sophie menstruates

Flag to be flown when Andrew has an idea

Flag to be flown when Charles wipes his own arse

Flag to be flown when Edward has an idea

We hope that this is useful and are glad to be of service in this jubilee year.