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Pandemonium broke out on the Scottish stockmarket
when it was announced that the Financial Audit Regulatory Team
(FART) is to investigate the accounts of FirstFoot.co.uk following
widespread fears of malpractice and irregularities.
As one of the star performers on the Scottish market
over the last few years, FirstFoot.co.uk is seen as a bellwether
stock. The dotcom conglomerate reported profits of £2.5bn
for the previous financial year and was forecasting an increased
performance this time round.
An extract from the 2001/2002 accounts is published
here:
|
£
(000's)
|
| Sales: |
0
|
| Cost
of sales |
7,300.000
|
| Assets |
0
|
| Loans
to Directors |
2,300.000
|
| Directors
salaries |
7,140,000
|
| Borrowings |
28,000,000
|
| Liabilities |
100,000
|
| Gross
profits |
2,500,000
|
The secretive, one-legged, lesbian owner of FirstFoot
was unavailable for comment and the company's head office at The
Auld Keech was closed for redecoration. A note was pinned to the
door which read; "Wurr aff tae FirstFoot.com. See ye'ze."
78 stockbrokers have so far been found dead on pavements
throughout Edinburgh New Town. The collapse of the market in such
a respected stock was overwhelming for some of societies most
sensitive citizens. Many had simply died of fright as they walked
and others had thrown themselves out of ground floor windows.
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