Brit cultural exports - the relatively well behaved ones

It will come as absolutely no surprise to anyone who has been to Ayia Napia, Ibiza or Faliraki in recent years to learn that the Brits have been voted the foulest, rudest and most unwelcome holidaymakers in the world.

A survey carried out by travel website, Expedia, in 17 of the most popular holiday destinations proves that the Brits are generally about as welcome as an outbreak of leprosy in virtually every bar, club, restaurant and hotel that was asked to take part.

Loutish, drunken behaviour came top of the list in making the good old Brit bottom of the list (which was topped by the Americans, Japanese and Germans, by the way) and hugely unpopular with both businesses and local residents alike.

English cultural exports - ask the French, Italians, Irish etc. etc. etc.

Brits were furthermore viewed as being lousy tippers who arrogantly make not even a token attempt to speak the language of the country they're in and piss locals off no end with their pathetic insistence on sticking to bacon and eggs for breakfast and a roast dinner for lunch rather than try any of the local delicacies, otherwise referred to most usually as "that foreign muck".

The survey did not, however, make any attempt to differentiate between "Brit" and "English" but it is the view of this website based on personal experience of witnessing at first hand the obnoxious and embarrassing antics of the Union Jack shorts brigade in full disgusting flow, that it is the latter which is most likely to be the real subject of such damning criticism.

Nearly 90% of all British tourists are, after all, English.

Once again and as usual, however, we are all tarred with the same shit-covered brush.

A spokesman for the Association of British Travel Agents branded the survey "nonsense" and said "If we are so disliked then why are we made to feel so welcome?"

What a typically arrogant and blinkered "British" response. The answer is clear, even to a loud, foulmouthed, pissed-up yob, and can be summed up in three words. Money, money and money. It's welcomed everywhere.

If the poor, deluded fool honestly believes that Brit tourists, sorry, English tourists don't have a well-justified bad reputation and a serious behaviour problem abroad, it's obviously high time he took a holiday.

Scottish cultural export - Russian Irn Bru

And, lest we be accused of demonstrating unreasonable bias, Scots tourists, too, are not entirely beyond reproach, it must be said.

In a separate survey carried out by supermarket giants Safeway, Scottish holidaymakers were asked to name the grocery items from home they were most likely to take abroad with them.

Tea bags, instant coffee, cheese and onion crisps, baked beans and tomato ketchup all featured high on the list.

But top of the poll?

Irn Bru of course.

What are we fucking like?