It may sound daft to some, but there is now a website for people who might like to adopt a Witch.

Sorry, I thought you said "bitch"

Well, about bloody time too. This is exactly what the web has been missing.

www.fairmoon.co.uk includes amongst its several "pagan" page offerings the facility to "adopt" the witch of your choice from the list of several hundred innocent men and women who were slaughtered in the witch-hunts of middle-age Europe.

Having been burned or drowned without the benefit of Christian ceremony, these poor witchy-folk are doomed to float in the nether-world between the living and the dead and are therefore in dire need of some comfort, support and reassurance.

Alarmingly, it has come to FirstFoot's attention that, within this list, there is an unusually large proportion of Scottish Witches numbered amongst those still requiring adoptive "parents".

This is simply not good enough. The French, Germans and Swedes seem to care enough about the witches they murdered to have adopted them, but there are still many, many Scottish witches out there flying a lone broom.

It is high time to put this right. Here are just 10 reasons why you should adopt a Scottish Witch in preference to some Hungarian or Rumanian old hag, or a rescued pony from the RSPCA;

1	Scottish Witches require no feeding
2	Scottish Witches require no exercising (exorcising is a different matter)
3	Scottish Witches don't cost anything to maintain
4	Scottish Witches, should they manifest themselves to you, won't talk in Latin
5	Scottish Witches are innocent
6	Scottish Witches require no Birthday or Christmas presents
7	Scottish Witches all carry the BS053 British Safety Standards kitemark
8	Scottish Witches are fully guaranteed for 10 years
9	Scottish Witches, once adopted, make excellent topics of dinner-party conversation
10	Being deceased, Scottish Witches will not send you annual updates on their progress