There was considerable excitement throughout the length and breadth of Scotland this month when, incredibly, a log was spotted rising to the surface of Loch Ness before mysteriously disappearing again underwater.

The most often used "photo" of Nessie

Tourist chiefs were quick to react to this latest development by playing down the sighting and a local councillor from near Drumnadrochit, on the shores of Loch Ness, commented that "there had been no confirmation yet that this was indeed a log" and that it was "still far too early to get excited about it."

Many scientists believe, however, that this latest sighting, which has been captured on film by a professional photographer who makes his living out of selling news photographs and who just happened to be passing Inverness in a rowing boat, provides the clearest proof yet that logs actually do exist in the murky waters of the loch.

The second most often used "photo" of Nessie

Opinion in the scientific community is split, but most experts believe that the logs may come from dead trees that have fallen into the water from the hillsides around the loch's banks.

Jessie Fraser, an eye-witness to the sighting, could hardly contain her excitement when confronted by cheque-book wielding journalists, commenting, "It was an awesome sight. I was standing less than a mile away from the shore when I saw this fearsome shape break the surface of the water. At first I thought it must be an old WW2 Japanese submarine coming up to surrender or something, but then after watching it bob about for a bit and sink back down into the water, I realised that the object was definitely not man-made. I have little doubt that what I saw was the Log Ness Monster, and I hope I never see anything like it again."

Further adding to the mystery, Ted Danson and Joely Richardson, who co-starred with the Loch Ness Monster in the movie "Loch Ness", were both unavailable for comment.

But nobody knows what FirstFoot knows:

That the visible head of Nessie is really the penis of the decomposing body of a Celtic supporter who drowned in 1922. Completely guttered after Celtic gubbed Third Lanark 28-2, the poor man fell in tae the water not knowing the stushie he wiz aboot tae create.