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Public Holidays Act
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Legislation to introduce a new public holiday. McConnell
Day will celebrate the achievements of people of below
average height
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Broadband Act
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New powers to protect overweight musicians
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Public Nuisance Act
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Extension to existing legislation to ban any person
or persons from being a nuisance in public. Penalties
include compulsory attendance at Scottish Parliament
Committee meetings.
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Naming of Animal Acts
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Legislation to ensure that animal names are not sexist,
racist or English. Proscribed names include Shagger,
Jack ya Wee Bastard, Wee Jack, Scottish Labour are Shite,
Blair, Blair ya lyin wee bastard and another 13,467
variations
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Ice Cream Act
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Redrafting of existing legislation governing the names
of ice creams
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Gaelic Keyboard Act
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New legislation requiring the provision of Gaelic language
keyboards for every computer (public, corporate and
personal)
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Singing in Public Act
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A new bill banning the broadcast of music by Lulu between
the hours of 01:00 and 24:00, except during funerals
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Hamburger Act
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New legislation banning gherkins from being supplied
with hamburgers unless written permission is sought
three weeks in advance
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Ridicule of Public Figures
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New legislation prohibiting unkind comments about Scottish
politicians
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Skye Bridge Tolls Act
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The removal of Skye Bridge tolls and the introduction
of entry and exit taxes for visitors and residents of
Skye
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Diplomatic Immunities Act
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New legislation introducing prevention from prosecution
for cocaine related offences to MSP's
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Drug Testing Act
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New legislation introducing compulsory drug testing
for all civil servants earning less than £40,000
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Drug Testing Act (abstention)
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New legislation absolving MSP's from drug testing requirements
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Prevention of Expression Act
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A new bill banning funny faces of MSP's in public places
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Town Criers (Part time) Act
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A new bill allowing for the creation of publicly funded
town criers for all municipalities of more than 200
people. Town criers will pronounce on the achievements
of the Scottish Parliament.
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