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  News Archive 2002
 
  News Archive 2000
   

 

 
"It looked like Vim, but tasted like cocaine" said Chief Detective Inspector Snodgrass. "Not that I would know what Vim tasted like anyway".

Widespread panic affected Edinburgh Airport today when a traveller reported being in contact with a white powder.

The tourist, believed to be from America, alleged that a white powder, laid out in a single white horizontal line, was on the top on the cludgie in the Edinburgh Airport public bogs.

On examination, a spokesman from Edinburgh Police said that it was a harmless cocaine substitute. The Police suspect that it was purchased by a gullible Member of Scottish Parliament and left behind in a panic when they misinterpreted a flight call as an order to flee the building.

"If I had known that it was cocaine and not anthrax, it would have been up my nose faster than an MSP says yes to a drink", said the unknown tourist, Tom Transcendental from Los Angeles.

In a separate development, MSP's have approved additional expenditure on the new Parliament which may take the cost of the new building to over £1billion.

Ejector seats, which will be activated in the case of emergencies, and which will catapult MSP's safely out of the building, landing in the courtyard of The Auld Keech public house, have been approved as a necessary measure in these difficult times.

Renfrew MacLudge, MSP, regrets having a curry before evacuating Parliament by ejector seat

A spokesman explained that where MSP's were at risk, particularly during late night sessions where the pubs were about to close, that it was important that MSP's had access to alcohol in a manner that befitted their status as representatives of Scotland's drinking culture.

"How many Scots wouldn't give their right arm to be able to get away, after a difficult week, and with the touch of a button, land in one of Scotland's most loved howffs?".

"A vote for an MSP is a vote for all of Scots" the spokesman said before collapsing in a graceful parabolic arc.