Hot air balloon
Recent reports from Westminster state that the British government is to commission a fleet of ministerial aircraft to rival America's Airforce One. This has led to a furious debate at Holyrood to define Scotland's response.
The Westminster proposal envisages a converted Boeing 747 for long haul flights, a small jet for short haul journeys and a helicopter.
In one of our regular world exclusives (how do we do it?), FirstFoot is delighted to report that Holyrood has agreed on a set of recommendations for an appropriate air transport facility for the First Minister and his cohorts.
The report, subtitled "Scotland's Balloon for Scotland's Balloons", recommends that the purchase of a hot air balloon be undertaken as soon as budgetary constraints allow.
The report bases its recommendations on the following suppositions:
As most Scottish politicians are full of wind and hot air, they will feel at home in a dirigible.
Hot air balloons are large structures with very little internal substance, much like Scottish politicians and the Scottish parliament.
Hot air balloons are very simple, as are Scottish politicians.
The skirt is an essential part of a hot air balloon. It is also an essential item of apparel for Scottish politicians abroad.
Hot air balloons manoeuvre by going with the prevailing wind. Much the same as Scottish politicians .... as long as the wind is coming from the South East.