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| (Possibly Scotland's first
witch, executed in 1591) |
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This one's a cracker for those who believe
in sanity. Or law. Or even the sanctity of law.
Round about 1590 or so, our own good King
James VI (later to be James I of England upon the Union of
the Crowns) was off in Denmark picking up his new bride. The
King was particularly fascinated by the continental enthusiasm
for exposing and destroying the practitioners of Satanic witchcraft,
and it became a fashion he embraced wholeheartedly and without
delay.
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| His Royal Loonieness King James
VI |
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Upon the King's return from Denmark with
his bride, the Royal fleet experienced violent storms in the
Firth of Forth, off the shores of Leith. (A not uncommon occurrence!)
Only just surviving the ordeal, the King was convinced that
dark forces were behind this most heinous attempt on his and
her Royal persons.
Sure enough, he was right. After a full
confession under duress by a backward serving wench to her
boss, the Deputy Bailiff of Tranent, the "North Berwick
Witches" were rounded up and accused of conspiring amongst
themselves and with Satan to conjure up the storms which had
so nearly cost the King his life.
The most celebrated of these was Agnes
Sampson. This magnificently defiant lady was subjected to
the most profoundly agonising of tortures by her inquisitors,
but, for some reason, absolutely refused to confess to the
charges put before her, including necromancy (communing with
the dead), communing with the Devil and being part of a coven.
It is believed to be the first trial
in Scottish history whereby sustained torture to extract names
and confessions was officially sanctioned by law. Hurrah for
the law society. When she eventually and inevitably caved
in, she didn't just confess, she took the supreme piss out
of her accusers.
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| A Magic Sieve ? |
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She, along with several other members
of the coven, and here's where it gets really good, sailed
up the Firth from North Berwick to Leith in magic sieves,
before calling up the storms that were meant to sink the Royal
fleet.
Magic sieves! Love it!
Anyway, the Prosecution team, which included
the King himself, accepted Agnes' confession unhesitatingly
as being the truth and she was executed at Haddington in 1591.
Should've kept her cheeky mouth shut,
the sarky wee minx.
Such was King James' continuing and overwhelming
interest in the subject, he published his own book, "Daemonologie",
in 1597, reflecting the persecution craze that was by then
gripping the entire country in the hysterical wake of the
Reformation, with its strict adherence to the letter of the
Bible. And some people think Prince Charles is odd.
FirstFoot has been unable as yet to procure
a copy of this learned and expert literary work ("Daemonologie"
that is, not the Bible), so we are still not sure whether
there was any specific chapter devoted to the magical properties
of kitchen implements and their potential use or not, but
if anybody else has heard similar stories of nine-inch wide
metal objects with holes, sailing through turbulent waters
for several miles with passengers in them, we'd be delighted
to hear about it.
Until then, it appears we've got another
Royal loonie for the roster.
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