Sydney Devine first burst onto the Scottish scene in 1957 when, in full highland regalia and whistling traditional Scottish tunes, he managed to quell a near-rioting mob attending one of Scotland's first Rock&Roll gigs, in Paisley Town Hall.

For Sydney, it's been downhill all the way since then.

The ineffably,awful, execrable keech that is ...... Sydney Devine.

Sydney Devine was born somewhere in Scotland, sometime in the first half of the 20th century.

Somehow, he became famous as a singer, singing a peculiarly shite Scottish brand of country music that appealed to the same blue-rinsed grannies who made "stars" out of Neil Reid and Lena Zavaroni.

We thought he might be dead, but apparently he still performs in live shows to the colostomy bag set, mainly on the West side of Scotland. They're all deaf and blind, and nobody else would want to see or hear him.

Trust us, you really don't want to know any more.

And even if you did, there isn't a single web-page anywhere dedicated to celebrating his life or music. We've looked everywhere, but there's no sign of Sydney. It's almost as if he never existed.

Which kind of tells its own story really.